Jeopardy! website
I am a life-long fan of Jeopardy!, the trivia game show where
responses are given in the form of a question. Because Jeopardy! was on during the day when I was a kid, I could hardly wait till summer break so I could watch it. I became a regular viewer in the
1980s, when it began airing in the evening. Today, I no longer have time to watch the
show “live,” but do record it every night so I can binge an entire week’s worth
of Jeopardy! in one sitting. Tim often joins me. His trivia strengths are sports, all
things mechanical, and 1940s/50s music. I’m best at humanities subjects
and fashion. Together we’re the perfect contestant, though we both
stink at geography.
These days, my response
reflexes are fairly pathetic, especially if I’m tired or stressed out. (Thank
goodness for the DVR’s pause button!) But as a young librarian, I really burned
up the TV screen. I was so good, in fact, that I decided to apply to get on the
show in the late 1980s. We were living in San Diego at the time, so I took the day off and drove
up to L.A. There I joined hundreds of other fans standing on a long line
outside the Sony Studio. Once inside, we were briefed on the logistics of the
show and then directed to a room where we
were handed pencils and the famous Jeopardy!
test that everyone must pass to become a contestant. The test was impossibly
hard. After just five questions, I laughed and gave up. A true lesson in
humility.
Well, the new season of Jeopardy! started a couple of weeks ago
and, as he does every year, show host Alex Trebek announced that the next round
of testing would begin this week. Although we're now pretty much addicted to the
DVR pause button when formulating our answers, we decided to register to take the now-computerized test—“just
for fun,” we told ourselves. We were invited to take the exam
either Tuesday at 5PM, Wednesday at 6PM, or Thursday at 8PM. Tim opted for
Tuesday; but since I teach till 5PM that day, I went with Wednesday. We then
took the Jeopardy! practice test,
side-by-side, to bone-up. I scored 80%, but Tim cheated, whispering, “Who wrote
Les Miserables?,” as if Alex was actually
in the room with us.
By the time I got home Tuesday night, Tim had already finished
the test. Hanging his head, he said he was sure
he failed, citing several questions he missed because of what he called “brain
cramp”—where you know you know the answer, but just can’t remember it. He then
asked me who wrote The Road, a book
we both read. Me: “Cormac McCarthy.” Tim: “UGHHHHH!!”
The test site
My turn came last night.
We ate an early dinner. At 5:45PM I logged onto the Jeopardy! website, where I was welcomed and told there would be 50
questions in 50 categories. I would have 15 seconds to answer each question. Answers
did not have to be in the form of a question. The website
then assured me that partial answers and misspelled words “will receive
consideration.” But I was also reminded that Jeopardy! was “not responsible for individual technical or internet
connection related issues.” (Tough luck if your computer craps out at a
critical moment!) A digital clock appeared in the corner, counting down the
minutes and seconds. Who knew a minute could be so long?
At 30 seconds, the Jeopardy! jingle started to play. And
then, at 6:02PM, the questions appeared along with their categories. I typed my
answers in a small response box at the bottom of the screen, before hitting
“submit.” Question #1 was fine. But then my brain cramped on question #2: “She
played Mystique in X-Men: First Class”
(category: MOVIE ROLES).
“I know this one!” I
yelled at the computer screen. “Jennifer . . .” Fifteen seconds passed quickly.
The answer, of course, was Jennifer Lawrence, one of our favorite actresses.
UGHHHHH!!
I answered most of the
other questions, except geography, and got crampy brain at least twice more:
George H. W. Bush’s VP (Dan Quayle, for pete’s sake!) and could not remember
William Faulkner’s name (mortifying). I’m debating whether I should return my
B.A. in literature. (Not really). The entire test took 11 minutes.
Within the hour, I
received a nice email from Jeopardy!,
congratulating me on completing the test. They don’t release scores, but I
figure I probably answered 75-80% of the questions correctly—which, of course,
is a passing grade in most undergraduate college classes. But not so much at Jeopardy!, especially when thousands of fans across the country took, and probably passed, the exact same test I did. And even if, by some
miracle, I did score high enough to be considered, audition candidates are
selected randomly.
So, really, the odds of
my being asked onto the show are infinitesimal. Instead, I’ll just have to settle for
being champion in my own living room, where I can always hit the DVR pause
button until my brain cramp passes . . .
Me and a cardboard cut-out of Alex Trebek
at Sony Studio in 2013
