How to Fry a Thanksgiving Turkey

I can't believe this video has been on YouTube for over a year and I've never seen it. But, then again, I never wanted to fry a turkey. 

So here's a day-after-Thanksgiving gift for everyone who loves turkey and/or loves William Shatner!

"Eat, Fry, Love: a Cautionary Remix"

Shatner's World

The last time we saw Bill Shatner we were sitting on lawn chairs, waiting for him to premier his Star Trek documentary, The Captains, against the mausoleum wall of the Hollywood Forever cemetery.  Since then he’s been pulling together a one-person show, called Shatner’s World—We Just Live in It, which hit the Pantages theater last weekend. 

Karen was the first to read about the show on one of her theater blogs. “Shatner is performing on Broadway for two weeks in February,” she emailed me a couple of months ago.  

I began moving things around on my mental calendar to accommodate a quick flight to NYC. But luckily it was soon announced that Bill would be performing in Los Angeles, for one night only, before taking his show on the road.  I immediately bought 4 tickets: 3 for Karen and us, plus one for Tim’s boss Mike, who is also a ST fan.

We arrived at the Pantages early enough to stake our spots in the lobby.  I knew if we stood there long enough, we were bound to see some of Shatner's celebrity fans. Indeed, Mike was the first to spot rock musician Joe Walsh getting refreshments. Karen recognized Mark Valley, Shatner’s Boston Legal co-star. The biggest sighting, though, was David Hasselhoff, who sat a couple of rows away from us. He looked very good in his bright green sportscoat and caused almost as much of a stir as Shatner himself. We were hoping Bill’s Boston Legal partner James Spader would appear, but if he was there we didn’t see him.

Reviews for the Broadway show were mixed—I’m guessing because they were written by non-fans who don’t really know William Shatner.  The audience Saturday night loved him, however, and gave him a standing ovation before he even said a word.  He then started what would turn out to be an almost two-hour monologue about his life and 60-year-long career.  He told lots of funny stories and screened clips from various movies and TV shows in which he had appeared, including Alexander the Great, a corny sword-and-sandals movie -of-the-week made during his early Captain Kirk days. This is also, apparently, when he developed his love of horses, a passion that continues today. 

I adored the entire show and highly recommend it to anyone who is a fan and/or enjoys hearing a practiced raconteur reminisce about himself.  Nobody, after all, plays Shatner quite as well as Shatner plays himself.

Tim, me and Mike hoping to spy celebs

Only in L.A.

Karen called a couple weeks ago, saying she could get discount tickets for a one-night benefit performance of "You Can't Take It With You," a play starring Tom Hanks and a stellar cast of friends. I had wanted to go, but the ticket price was prohibitive. I, therefore, jumped at the chance when Karen said she could get me in for a quarter of the price. The only catch: I had to buy at least two tickets. Tim wasn't interested and Karen had to work, so I sold the second ticket to Katie, a student who lives in Northern California when not taking classes at UCLA.

The event was held at UCLA’s Royce Hall, one of the most beautiful buildings on campus. We were, of course, relegated to the balcony with all the other cheapskates. I had foolishly left my binoculars at home, so we had to strain our eyes to see any celebrities in the audience below us. We imagined seeing Ron Howard, whose production company Imagine was one the evening’s sponsors, as well as Francis Ford Coppola, who catered the post-play reception.

The real action was on stage, however. Beside Hanks, the cast included Tom’s wife Rita Wilson, well-known character actress Caroline Aaron, Dave Annable (Justin on the TV show “Brothers and Sisters”), Maria Bamford, brilliant actress Annette Bening, Kevin Chamberlain, former Oscar-nominee James Cromwell, funnyman Ian Gomez, Jon Hamm (“Mad Men’s” hunky leading man), Peter Krause (of “Six Feet Under” and “Dirty, Sexy Money”), Mila Kunis (from “That 70s Show”), William Shatner (Captain Kirk himself!), comic genius Martin Short, Alicia Silverstone (the ingenue in “Clueless”), and Holland Taylor (the annoying mother on “Two and a Half Men”). The director was Nora Ephron, who worked with Hanks on “Sleepless in Seattle” and “You’ve Got Mail.”

The play was wacky. Set during the Great Depression, it featured two lovebirds (Kunis and Hamm) who come from completely different backgrounds. Her family is extremely eccentric; his is reserved and rich. Conflict ensues when the families finally meet.

The event was billed as a “reading,” so everyone read from the script. The acting was good, even though apparently not much rehearsing went on beforehand. Annette Bening was her excellent self and Kunis and Hamm were appropriately attractive. But it was Tom Hanks who really stole the show. Wearing a tall fur cap, he played the Russian dance instructor who has opinions about everything (“IT STINKS!!”). He rarely stuck to the script and, at one point, started madly throwing chairs off the stage.

Not to be outdone, Martin Short, who played Bening’s husband, also veered from the script and several times brought the play to a screeching halt by rushing over to give Bening a long passionate kiss—all while her real-life husband, Warren Beatty, watched from the audience. Everyone screamed in delight. And then there was Bill Shatner, the play’s patriarch, who ad-libbed with the best of them. By the end, my cheeks hurt from laughing so hard!

After the applause, we ran downstairs to see if we could spot any celebrities exiting the theater. Looming above all the rest was Warren Beatty, looking exactly like he does in the movies.

“There’s Warren Beatty,” I whispered to Katie.

“And Faye Dunaway,” she responded, as I struggled to recognize the person standing next to him.

“Hmmm . . . Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty,” I thought to myself. “Why does that sound so familiar? Then suddenly, “Oh my God!” I yelped. “It’s Bonnie and Clyde!” What a thrill!

We followed the crowds to the patio where a champagne and dessert reception was being held. We hoped to rub elbows with some of the bigger name celebrities, but saw only James Cromwell (very tall) and Kevin Chamberlain (I still don’t know who he is!). Then, just as we were about to leave, I noticed flashbulbs going off inside the lobby. We pushed our way over to see what was happening.

I couldn’t see Hanks, Bening or Beatty, but we did have a clear view of Jon Hamm and Martin Short yucking it up about something. Actually, all we could see was the back of Hamm’s head as he laughed at Short’s antics. We stood there for several minutes and were about to give up when Hamm turned our way. We could see his face—well worth the wait!

It couldn’t get any better than that, so we left.

BookExpo America

For those of us who love books, the annual BookExpo America (BEA) show is heaven on earth. Not only does every major—and many a minor—publisher exhibit at BEA, but most of the books they display are free for the taking.

Although BookExpo usually happens in cities east of Chicago, the show does occasionally come to the west coast. I marked my calendar immediately (six months ago) when I heard it was coming to the L.A. convention center, May 29-June 1. I then bought passes for both Tim and me.

We arrived, each carrying a large canvas bag, just as the doors opened at 9AM on Saturday. A small swing band and dancers greeted us as we walked in. Only momentarily distracted, we quickly proceeded up the escalator alongside hundreds of other book-lovers.

The biggest book show in North America, BEA is so enormous that it fills both buildings of L.A.’s gigantic convention center. Each hall was ablaze with larger-than-life ads and posters of titles to be released later this year. On the floor of most of the booths were artfully-arranged stacks of free galleys (i.e., preprint copies of books). Overwhelmed by possibility, we decided to start at the left end of the hall and walked up and down each row until we’d visited every exhibit in the place. My first acquisition: “Fences, Arbors, and Trellises: Plan, Design, Build,” a DIY book from Creative Homeowners. Tim grabbed “Mexican American Mojo: Popular Music, Dance, and Urban Culture in Los Angeles, 1935-1968.”

My eyes were so focused downward, in search of new books, that I almost ran into a dazed-looking woman who had never been to BEA before.

“Are all these books free?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes!” I exclaimed. “Now go get a bag and start filling it up!”

By lunchtime, Tim and I were so loaded down with bootie that we had to run out to the car to empty our bags.

Besides free books, BEA also features authors, book-signings, and “educational programs” (i.e., panel discussions on various topics). Former L.A. Times writer Rick Wartzman, whom I had met a couple years ago when he was doing research for his latest book, “Obscene in the Extreme: The Burning and Banning of John Steinbeck’s ‘The Grapes of Wrath,’” was speaking about censorship at 11AM, so we tore ourselves away from the exhibit hall and headed upstairs. Several library friends and colleagues were already there.

Rick talked about his book, which is due to be released this fall, and ended with a quote by Gretchen Knief, the librarian I had helped him research. I was absolutely thrilled. As soon as the program ended, I shot out of my seat to speak to him.

I was just about to reintroduce myself, when Rick spoke first, saying he had recognized me in the audience. He then added that I was cited in his book! Tim and I immediately ran downstairs to snag a preview copy and look for my name!

As wonderful as it was to have Rick Wartzman remember me, it was even more exciting when I discovered that Leonard Nimoy, my favorite classic “Star Trek” character Mr. Spock, was signing his latest book at 1PM. Tim and I zipped over to booth #2110, fifteen minutes early. Nimoy was already hard at work signing and schmoozing with his fans. I rushed to get on line, but the queue of people snaked halfway through the hall. We decided to just snap a photo instead.

Exhausted, with not an ounce of adrenaline left in our bodies, we hobbled to the secret “librarians-only lounge,” organized by “Library Journal,” the oldest and most popular publication in the profession. There we noshed on pastries, chatted with colleagues and generally relaxed until it was time to enter the fray once again. Turns out my other favorite classic Trek hero, William Shatner, was signing his latest book at 3PM.

We dashed over to the St. Martin’s Press booth at 2:30PM. But the line was already twice as long as Nimoy’s had been, so we looked at a few more exhibits and then headed home. The back of our small Honda was overflowing with loot: historical novels; a guide to dating vampires; uncensored scripts of one of our fave TV shows, “Rescue Me;” a weeper about Dewey the library cat; Philip Roth’s latest book; and several travel guides to Los Angeles. Who says books are an endangered species?

Beam Me Up!

It’s no secret that I love “Star Trek.” I watched the very first episode on September 8, 1966, and have been a fan (i.e., Trekkie) ever since.

Even though I think “The Next Generation” (1987-1994) is by far the best of the five “Star Trek” series, I have, over the years, remained a fervent devotee of Captain James T. Kirk. As played by William Shatner, Kirk was a macho he-man who made all the ladies swoon, despite Shatner’s ham-bone overacting. Kirk also happened to be a male chauvinist pig — typical of the period — but I liked him anyway because he was decisive and never wrong.

Shatner has, of course, reinvented himself many times since then. Besides continuing to act on television and in the movies, he’s become an author (fiction as well as nonfiction) and released a well-reviewed music CD, called “Has Been,” a couple of years ago. He’s also the very funny spokesperson for Priceline.com. But perhaps his best role of all is as Denny Crane, the “mad cow” (i.e., Alzheimer’s) impaired senior partner on the TV show “Boston Legal.” When he’s not sleeping in court, he’s flirting with female clients (Kirk again!) or smoking cigars on his balcony with best friend and coworker Alan Shore (James Spader). I love Denny Crane.

I’ve seen Shatner many times at “Star Trek” conventions and even sat two feet away from him in a makeshift “green room” before he went on the air during a Mark & Brian radio show several years ago. Still, I was very excited when Tim called me on Tuesday to say that “Bill” was coming into the station later that morning.

Phone rings (7AM). . .

Tim: I forgot to tell you that William Shatner is coming into the station today to promote some project he’s involved in.

Me (surprised): What?! If I would have known he was going to be there, I would have given you something to have him sign!

Tim: Oh well. He’ll be on the radio at 8AM. Be sure to listen.

Me: [grumble, grumble, grumble. . .]

The phone rang again 45 minutes later. Tim had found an excuse to come home and so I ran around trying to find something for Shatner to sign. I finally settled on the cover of the season #1 DVD of “Boston Legal.” I shoved Tim out the door and turned on the radio. Shatner was reliving some moment from “Star Trek,” for the millionth time, but made it clear that he wanted to talk about other things, including his new pet project: sending department store gift cards to soldiers recuperating at Walter Reed hospital. He chatted on the air for about 50 minutes and then left to film “Boston Legal.” What a great way to start the day!

I waited for Tim to call, but he never did, so I assumed he hadn’t met my hero. I then ran off to UCLA, where I was teaching at noon.

When I returned home at 4PM, I found this photo in my e-mailbox, along with the following message:

“Denny Crane!!! I got the autograph. Love, Tim”

Denny and William Shatner’s signature now watch me all day long from where they hang on my office wall. Beam me up, indeed!

7/6/07